Pursuit of Beauty

Originally I was going to post something very quickly but everything I came up with seemed half hearted. So now, instead, I decided to look through some old journals and see if maybe God would like for me to post one of those. And I think He does. 

I will admit this one is hard for me to post because it's about my weakest point. I feel intensely vulnerable, but I believe it's worth it to get the message out there.

I have always struggled with my image. Everyone in my family knows that. 

            See, God had been working on me for months on the issue of believing I am just as beautiful as He sees me. And we had gotten pretty far. I began believing I was beautiful and began liking looking at myself in the mirror. I had stopped comparing myself so much, and I even started seeing more beauty in others! But all it took was a few comments, as well intentioned as they may have been, and all the insecurities came rushing on back. Now I didn’t want to even show them how it hurt me, because I was already vulnerable enough around them. So I swallowed it until I could sneak into the bathroom and cry to God.

            As I cried the Holy Spirit instantly reminded me of His love. And I knew it, I felt Him there, but all I can think of was to apologize. I apologized for letting a few comments backtrack what we had progressed so far on. I apologized for feeling so crappy when I knew how He felt about me. You see, I am well aware that satan is taking advantage of the situation to take me down. I am also well aware that I am not a very good warrior in this field yet. The Holy Spirit, being the comforter that He is, just stayed in the bathroom with me, loving me as I weeped, which is exactly what I needed right then. I wish I were able to say that this situation was a success story on my part, but I don’t believe it was. I believe that I should have immediately shot down the destructive thoughts in my mind and began declaring what His Word says about me. Nevertheless, I believe I will get there, and soon. I also believe this situation wasn’t a complete failure either. It wasn't just a pity party I had for myself. God taught me something through it as well.

            After my crying in the bathroom, God said “now go to my Word and read what it says about you. Read Proverbs 31”. I knew what Proverbs 31 was. It’s the chapter about the virtuous wife. I thought it strange that God wanted me to read about being a virtuous wife when I’m not even in a relationship. Regardless, I obeyed, because He was really just training me so that I could begin to practice virtue. As I began reading God said “Is there any part of this chapter that says a noble wife is thin?” And I said “no”. “What does it say?” And then He began pointing out the characteristics I did have, such as bringing good and not harm (v. 12), working diligently (v. 13), helping the poor and needy (v. 20), being clothed with dignity (v. 25), giving faithful instruction (v. 26). Then, came verse 30: “Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised”. God showed me that my value did not come in what I looked like, but that true value came from fearing and honoring Him.

            I’d love to say that now all my issues are solved in this area, but I know that’s not true. I need to continue clothing myself in the strength that comes from believing what God says over me OVER what humans say.

            In complete honesty this post is a cry out to the young girls of my generation. One of the devil's master plans this century is to make girls think they're ugly. Satan is convincing us of a lie. Don't let him have his victory. We need to see the beauty God sees in us, and we need to tell our sisters of the beauty we see in them, because encouragement goes a long way! Just as one comment was so destructive for me, one (truthful) complement can be incredibly constructive!

            So join me in this battle and let's fight together rather than against each other. Let's stop comparing ourselves and start preparing ourselves for our wonderful Groom that is Jesus Christ! 

Finding Your Identity

Ever since I started college, I constantly hear the phrase "college is a time to experiment and try new things". Though it may sound very true, I find that most students use this as an excuse to do any stupid thing their mind can think of. They use this excuse as if what we do in college won't affect our life long term, as if college somehow makes you immune to all consequences of your decisions. I think this is the very opposite of true. College is the time to get it right! College is the time to define who you'll be for the rest of your life, because it's usually the turning point of our lives. We should be discovering, not experimenting.

Imagine your entire life is a room. And sin makes it dark in the room. You need to find out who you are, and if you could just understand what that room looks like, you would know! Guess where you can find the light switch? That's right, Jesus Christ, the ONLY way. (John 8:12)

You see, experimenting everything this world can offer you is like trying to learn what the dark room is like by scrambling in the dark, stumbling and searching for ANY clue. And lets face it, no one has their life in order without Jesus, so that room would be a MESS! But discovery is turning on that light switch and SEEING what it looks like. Not only is it more efficient, it's a lot less frustrating!

Trying to find out who you are without Jesus is like trying to find out what a room looks like when the lights are off. 

Now, chances are that when you do turn the lights on, you will see one messy room. That's what sin does. It makes a mess of everything. And then, in your silly efforts to figure out what the room looks like in the dark, you probably messed it up even more (that's what experimenting does).

(Kind of like this mess. Except I'm thinking probably a lot more disgusting.)

BUT GOOD NEWS! The light switch is a package deal, and you get someone WHO KNOWS WHAT THE ROOM IS SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE BECAUSE HE CREATED IT!
And He won't leave you to clean your room alone. He will help you through it. Don't be fooled, it's still hard work. You have to allow Him to open up moldy drawers and clean them up! And that's hard because you're exposing yourself. You have to face everything that caused the room to become a mess in the first place.

It's a process, but boy is it worth it! See, the fun part is that you get to hang out with the Holy Spirit as you clean! It's difficult work, but it's not boring because you'll be cleaning with the your best friend, the best person in the world!

(You'll be looking victorious like this!) 

So if you're in college and you want to experiment, EXPERIMENT THROWING YOURSELF IN JESUS' ARMS! It's the best experiment you'll ever make, and I assure you it'll give you the best results!